(This post was written in January 2015)
Today was one of *those* days. A day where I felt like I was drowning in the quicksand of my kids’ lives. Drowning without a life preserver to save myself. Last night was rough – Nol didn’t want to sleep and was awake for 2+ hours in the middle of the night. After that was when I most likely went back to sleep on the wrong side of the bed, waking up to a doomed day. The grey and stormy weather was in on the plot too, adding gloom to the doom.
I brought Syd to her friend’s 4th birthday party at an ice skating rink. First mistake was thinking that she was well enough after this past week’s flu sickness to enjoy herself because right off the bat, she hid behind my legs and didn’t want to interact with her friends. After the effort of tracking down the correct skates, putting them on, we had a disastrous time on the ice, with me trying to prevent her flailing and sliding body from falling while I attempted to stay upright myself. Then, two meltdowns in the party room later, I was ready to melt myself…right into a puddle of tears. That’s one of the great injustices of parenthood – that parents can’t have meltdowns of our own just because we need a release of our emotions.
Today was one of those days where I needed to get out of the house for some retail therapy (aka buying groceries and house supplies) to calm the dissatisfaction in my soul. Even after returning home, I felt remnants of frustration and exhaustion such that I didn’t even want to hug Nol after he toddled over to greet me at the garage door.
Then came bath time. Nol loves bath time with his jiejie (big sister) so much. I didn’t plan on bathing them together tonight since Nol already had a bath last night and sometimes I think it’s nice for Syd to have the tub to herself, as great as she is about sharing it with her didi (little brother). But his desire and excitement to get in the bath was just too great, so I put him in. A few minutes later, as I was in the shower (Tom kept an eye on the kids in the bath), I hear Syd singing a make-up song to Nol with the line “I like your little penis.” It was hilarious! And it totally turned my day around, with its innocence and creativity and love. The exhausting and trying children I saw five minutes earlier were now the sweet angels and kernels of joy I love so dearly again.
So, today was one of those days…one of those days with the lowest of emotional valleys that give way to the highest of peaks of joy.